You are the Strategy and the Gift

There is a part of school leadership that is rarely spoken about publicly. It’s the moment when a child with neurodivergent needs is so overwhelmed that the classroom becomes unrecognizable—tables flipped, chairs thrown, work torn apart. It’s not the mess that stays with you. It’s the intensity. The unpredictability. The deep human distress unfolding in real time.

In the science of self-reg, as described by The MEHRIT Centre, co-regulation happens when your calm meets someone else’s stress and helps them move toward regulation.

For those who work in complexity, you know how hard this work can be.

In those moments, leadership is about what you bring into the room when everything feels unsteady.

Every day, people draw from your emotional bank account. They borrow your calm, your steadiness, your capacity to hold what they can’t yet hold on their own. And that borrowing is not a flaw in the system. It is the system.

What’s remarkable is the quiet gift leaders (and all educators) offer.
Their presence.
Their regulated nervous system.
Their ability to stay connected when things feel messy, emotional, or hard.

And it is hard.

And yet, because this gift is invisible, it’s easy to overlook the cost. Emotional energy is not unlimited. When withdrawals outnumber deposits — when there’s no space to restore your own nervous system — even the most generous leaders can feel depleted, anxious, and overwhelmed.

So caring for yourself is not stepping away from the work.
It is the work.

When you tend to your own regulation, you’re not just protecting yourself — you’re preserving your capacity to keep offering that gift. Calm is contagious. So is care. And so is steadiness.

You are the strategy — not because you do everything, but because who you are shapes how others learn to regulate, relate, and grow.

That’s no small thing.